angylinni: (Default)
[personal profile] angylinni
ok, becasue I'm an insecure, whiny boob author, I'd like to get some feedback. Ideally, what I'm looking for is people to read this thing that will not leave my head and is demanding to be written and tell me if it works, doesn't work, if the chars are fully fleshed out, if you like it, hate it, etc. I'm going to do a filter for just those that wish to concrit - and when I mean concrit, I mean as honest and bloody as you can make it. I have a thick skin, trust me, I can take it. I am insecure after having suffered from writers block for nearly 11 months, thus I turn to you, my friends list.

So, comment and I will add you to the filter.


Oh, I should offer up something of what I'm going to be asking you to read, that might be helpful, eh?

Everett Masterson watched as the best agent the Earth Alliance had ever seen walked into his office and took a seat. Dane Adkins certainly didn’t look like the deadliest man in the Alliance, but looks could be deceiving. Dane’s thick, brownish blonde hair and deep, soulful green eyes masked a personality so chillingly cold that most people avoided him like the plague. He was by turns cutting, sarcastic and sometimes downright rude. He was also the best that the elite Earth Defense Academy had ever produced.

Staring at him from across the massive mahogany desk, Everett wondered anew at the animosity that Dane’d incurred to get saddled with this latest assignment. Whoever it was that he’d pissed off, it was someone big. Big enough to get him busted in rank and sent on a suicide mission. Daedalus was a backwoods mess, and the pampered princess who’d had the bad fortune to be abducted by the Brezac Hegemony was either dead or so mind-warped that she wasn’t truly herself anymore.

“Did you really bring me here so you could stare at me broodingly all afternoon?”

Everett was pulled from his musings by the cold, aristocratic voice. He sat up straighter and frowned, pulling the bright red folder that lay open before him closer. “Yes Dane, there is a reason. Sorry to disappoint you lad, but my tastes don’t swing your way.”

Dane snorted, shaking his head. “Everyone swings my way,” he said, picking at a non-existent piece of lint on his perfectly creased charcoal trousers. “I’m walking sex, hadn’t you heard?”

Everett couldn’t hold the blank mask he normally wore, the corners of his mouth twitching. “I hadn’t, but then again, I don’t really listen to the miasma of gossip that circulates through this place. That’s Lola’s job,” he said, nodding towards the door.

Dane laughed, long and loud. Lola Frenetti was the biggest gossip on station. If you wanted information, you went to her first. She knew who was sleeping with whom, who hated who and who needed a favor or was willing to trade a few. In the hierarchy of Alliance politics, she was the one you most wanted on your side. “She keeps you up to date, of course.”

Everett gave Dane a bland smile that revealed nothing. It only made the other man laugh harder. Leaning back in his chair, he stroked his chin thoughtfully. “This assignment’s gonna be a bitch.”

Dane straightened, his jovial mood dissipating instantly. “When aren’t they?”

Everett sighed. “I don’t know who you pissed off, but whoever it was wants you dead in a big way.”

Dane shrugged. “It was Perkins. Bastard caught me going through his personal files.”

Everett’s jaw dropped. “You ransacked the Supreme Commander of the Alliance Forces personal files? What the hell were you thinking Dane?”

Another lazy shrug. “I had intel that he wasn’t who everyone thinks he is.”

“Was it corroborated?”

Dane rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I got the Minister himself to validate it. Come on Everett!”

“No wonder he wants you dead. Why did you have to fuck with him Dane? He disliked you before, now he hates you.”

“He’s not the first, nor will he be the last.”

Everett’s fist banged down on the heavy desk. For the first time since he’d become an Agent, Dane felt a stirring of unease. The one thing Everett Masterson was known for was his patience; he kept it through everything… until now. “This isn’t a game, Dane! This mission, to rescue Princess Jaina is suicide! The Hegemony has Daedalus blockaded with a full legion of ships. They mean to take control of the Seven and then worm their way into the Alliance!”

“That’s not going to happen.”

“We’re losing Dane. It’s not public knowledge yet, but it will be soon. We’ve already lost the Zelios Cluster, and the Lito Prime worlds aren’t far behind.”

Dane rose fluidly from the chair, pacing across the deep pewter colored plush carpeting. This was bad, very bad. "The only way we'll lose is if I can't rescue her. If she's not there for the bastard to marry, he has no other entry into the Seven, right?"

Everett gave him a grim nod and Dane smirked. "Well then, I guess I'd better get my ass in gear."

"You need a team, Dane, backup and support-"

Dane cut him off mid sentence. "I work alone, Everett, you know that."

"If you go in there alone, the chances are pretty damn high you won't be coming back out!"

"You just told me they've got the entire Cluster blockaded. The last thing we need is to be caught out there with a full compliment. Not only would the rest of the Seven declare war on us, but the Brezac would have the opening they're looking for to attack Earth directly. I go in alone," Dane said coldly. "Just the way I like it."

"You've got a deathwish, Adkins," Everett said, shaking his head. “But even you don’t get your way on everything.”

Dane stopped just short of the doorway, a deep scowl on his face. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Everett sighed, picking up a folder and holding it out to him. “This is the other half of your team.

“I meant what I said,” Dane said tightly. "I work alone."

Everett shrugged. “So did I. Her name is Bailey, Major Kelsey Bailey and you can find her down on Hangar Deck Six.”


“You have no choice in this Dane, it’s my way or you’re out of the Service.”

“Just like that? Because I have an aversion to people?”

“Because you have an aversion to people and an innate talent for pissing off the wrong people.” Everett winced as Dane snatched the folder from his hand. This wasn’t going well, at all.

Dane flipped open the folder and skimmed it quickly before walking towards the door, turning to give his superior one last glare before pulling it open and leaving.

Date: 2007-06-24 12:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm in. This sounds exciting so far.

Date: 2007-06-24 09:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
You're probably not going to need a filter for this, because all I'm really going to do is fangirl you.


Ok. Done.

I am impressed. I love sci-fi and romance. Especially together.

Suggestions? Hit Dane with the modesty stick a couple times, there's a line between being cocky and conceited. Be careful with that one... otherwise... if you write more can I have it???

Date: 2007-06-25 03:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
“I’m walking sex, hadn’t you heard?”

This doesn't sound like the kind of line that could be said seriously, although it does give Dane off as being a pretentious git. I worry, perhaps, it's a little too much?

Other than that, this isn't usually the kind of thing I read, but I quite enjoyed it. It got me intrigued well before the end.

Date: 2007-06-25 07:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
filter please? looks good so far!


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